Celebrity Deaths

Hello Mortals - You know what I look forward to?  The next time I decide to take one of your celebrities from their life on Earth and put them in purgatory for a couple days.  What gets me is these people are just people I put on this planet to entertain you.  You make the choice to put them on a pedestal and worship them.  Sometimes you put them above me.  While I'm not exactly thrilled with this,  it's one of the many flaws I gave you when constructing your personalities...  Of course, I forgive these sins of worshiping others above me - it's what I do.

Less I digress...

Have you noticed how celebrities die in groups of three.  Like triplets?  Do you know why that happens?  Because me and Satan are having game night.  When we play tic-tac-toe and I win, three people die.  One for each x in the winning line.  Why do I always play x?  Because back in the day, an x stood for a kiss; make that the kiss of death.  You know, people would kiss a piece of paper on the x.  In contemporary times, the x marks the place on a legal document where one's signature is required to execute the document or hold one accountable to the agreement contained therein.  Plus, X always marks the spot.

Notice how there are these long drought without a celebrity being called home?  It could be for a couple reasons...  Satan and I keep ending with a draw - often times this is the case - both of us have been playing tic-tac-toe for a very long time and one of us has to be playing less than our a game to arrive with a winner.  Keep in mind we're as old as time - and we've been playing cheap parlor games at least that long....  Sometimes one of us is out for business meetings or vacation.  Sometimes I'm mad at him and don't let him come over for game night - he can be a butt.

You know what else I like?  The media attention.  I love to see funeral processions on television.  It's like a parade - and I LOVE a parade.  I enjoy seeing all the gifts of flowers, the notes taped to fences, the tears being shed.  My personal favorite is the "We will always remember" home made posters.  If you mortals really want to score points with me, use florescent colors and big balloon letters with glitter.  I have a fetish for shiny things that I can read from way up high.


Less I digress again...

So...  I haven't had anyone get killed in a skiing accident since Sonny (from Sonny and Cher).  I think I'll pluck one that way...  Death by natural cause is a perennial favorite - I usually reserve that one for crusty politicians.  And finally - how about something catastrophic like a shooting or stabbing?  I think I'll skip that one.  Last time i did that, we got stuck hearing about John Lennon for like ever...  Shootings and stabbings make for great heros and recovery story.  Those always restore a sense of triumph to the collective human spirit.

Let me think...  Ahhah!  I got it!  Time to try something new...  How about a suicide while in celebrity rehab?  Hey Lohan - knock knock knock...  It's me at your door - time's a tickin'...

Your twisted savior - J-Dawg.

PS - Happy Birthday to ghost writer.  He turned 40 today.  I love you man....