Katy and I came up with a plan for Lindsay

Dear Believers - Katy and I went on a quick overnight to focus on each other.  Think of it as a mini-retreat. But, the strangest thing happened.  Instead of focusing on each other something magical happened.

I was sharing my concerns for Lohan when Katy said she's thought the same thing about Lohan ever since she fell from grace.  See - I told you Katy and I were meant for each other.  We are on the same page on so many different things.  It's almost like we're two volumes of the same book.  Cut from the same tree.

Less I digress...

While sharing our feelings, we put our heads together and came up with a plan.  Katy has befriended Lohan and after a night of partying we do an intervention.  You see, the image Katy portrays on the outside is a bit out there for most believers - a little too reckless and unreserved.  Let me assure you, at her core she is clean and pure.  A beautiful soul and a good looker to boot.

At first we're gonna have to cover up Katy's tattoo with makeup so it isn't too obvious we're up to something.  They hang out together, run around being all crazy, hitting the hollywood party scene.  This is a quick way to build trust - by sharing common interests.

We let Lohan get out of control to the point she hits rock bottom.  While she's at the bottom, we  swoop in and run an intervention. Dear Katy brings Lohan to an undisclosed location, very close to heaven.  They enter my secret chamber.  I'm hiding behind a curtain careful not to make a peep or movement.  Kinda like playing hide and seek.

Katy executes our standard intervention and starts out with how she has this amazing friend that accepts her for who she is, see's the good in everything and provides never ending support.  In a way, Katy is witnessing and ministering to dear Lohan.  It fills my heart to the point I start tearing up.

Just as Katy says the part about never ending support, I lower the lights and turn on the fan.  A gentle breeze blows in the chamber.  I get on my microphone and say, "Dearest Lindsay....  It's me, Jesus."  She freaks out like she always does and starts crying.  "Fear not child, for I love you.  I always have and always will.  Accept me as your lord and savior, ask for forgiveness and I'll make you shiny and new.  I'll take your sins as far away as the east is from the west."

Katy takes Lindsay by the hand and they turn towards each other.  Katy starts up with how amazing I am and how our relationship just rocks.  It's healthy and pure.  Two souls finding their ideal mates...  Yadayadayada.

Then, I slowly move from behind the curtain and sneak up right behind Lohan.  Katy  says something about feeling my strength during difficult times.  I  gently place my hands on Lindsay's shoulders.  She  turns and looks.  I slide my way between Katy and Lindsay and we share a group hug.

Tears are flowing, hugs are strong and passionate.  We're crying at the same time.  I gently turn and Katy  turns Lohan to me.  "Dear Lindsay, are you finally ready to be healed.  Are you finally ready to have a relationship with me?"  Lindsay is still teared up.  She's a little nervous and her hands are shaking.  I take her hands as we stand face to face.  She looks at me tears running down her face as she's crying and stuttering"y-y-y-yes."  She moves into an all out cryfest yelling "Yes.  Yes. YES...  I am ready.  Calgon take me away."

Not quite the response I was looking for - but I'll take what I can get.

Then, we all hug again and take her to the prayer room and visit for a while to tell her all about the great things she just won.  Katy starts the water in our immersion tank, adds some magic bubble bath and we take a group bath.

And now, I have two goddesses.

Love, Jesus! aka, Mr. Adonis.