Common Misconception

Hey everybody, Azazel here. You may know me by some of my other names: Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Father of Lies, Crooked Serpent, Beelzebub, Unclean Spirit, Lucifer, Antichrist, Wicked One, Satan, Bob. There are many other names but I think you get the point.

I want to thank JC for allowing me to say a few things on his blog. He didn't have to. After all, he has an image to keep up with. And that is exactly what I wanted to talk about. Image. You see, for a long time now, people have been passing around the wrong information on me. Blaming me for things I did not do. Turning people against me through false statements and half-speak. I would usually find that behavior pretty awesome, but when the lies are pointed at me, it kind of hurts. I am basically a good guy and I am sick and tired of people hating me for all the wrong reasons. So I'd like to take this time to set the record straight.

I am not this evil person that just goes around hurting others for no reason. I started out as a simple venture capitalist for goodness sake! I saw what JC was doing with the whole creation/Adam and Eve thing. I liked it and wanted a piece of the action. Yes I got greedy and started fudging the numbers. What with the snake and the apple thing. And I got caught and was kicked out of heaven. Do you know what that is like? It sucks. It's like living in a 4000 square foot loft in Manhattan with a butler and chauffeur and then getting moved to some pig farm in Ohio with no running water and some hillbilly roommate. Soak THAT in.
Sure, I was bitter for a while and did some mean things. It was me who started the Spanish Inquisition. It was me who told the French that nobody liked them which then made them so snooty with the rest of the world. But that's the sort of things I do. I whisper in people's ear and tell them things that may or may not be true. That's it! I am not a bully. I just take what you know and give it a little spin. That's why they call it Devils Advocate people! I simply give individuals another point of view to look at. If they do something bad because of what I said, well that is on them. It's not my fault they couldn't handle the news.

So, now that you know how I operate, stop blaming me for crap I did not do. The Haiti earthquake? NOT ME! (for the sake of disclosure though, I may or may not be to blame for any rioters after the quake). But the actual quake? Not this devil. I don't do natural disasters. It's too easy. The tsunami a few years back? Not me. Hurricane Katrina? Not me. (though I told the army engineers that the levies were working fine. Sorry about that). Heck, people even blame me for global warming. Blame Al Gore. Why would I want to cause global warming? LA is one of my best markets. It doesn't help me one bit if it is under water. Come on people. Think!

Well I guess I have rambled on enough and I think I got my point across. Thanks for listening. Hey JC, we still on for game night at your place? I have a serious yearning for some boggle!

Haiti Status Update

I am pleased to witness the best of mankind in response to Mother Nature dropping her iPhone resulting in the Haiti earthquake. This was and continues to be one of the biggest tragedies of the year. However, there are good things coming from this little mishap.

Aid, compassion and love are flowing from all corners of the world to lift up our hurting brothers and sisters. People of (almost) every political ideology are uniting for a greater good. To lift those suffering to a better life here on Earth. A new and better Haiti will come of this. Haiti has always been a bit of a wreck. Good things will come of this tragedy.

I am pleased to see Brother Clinton and Brother Bush uniting with chosen one Obama to a good cause. Finally they are able to work together and put their partisan differences aside towards a greater good.

Haiti Earthquake

My people - I am going to speak with Mother Nature later today.  I trust her with all things environmental and planet related.  She goes off on a tangent causing an earthquake in Haiti.

My friends, I hear your prayers to lift and restore our brothers and sisters affected by this tragedy.  I gotta tell you, I am upset.  Things were going well with bringing some economic recovery to the region.  My faithful follower, Bill Clinton, has been working hard to bring economic investment to the region.  In case you didn't know, the people of Haiti have a wonderfully developing garmet industry.  In Bill Clinton's heart I planted a seed to lift the Haitians up and spread the wealth.  He felt the desire weighing on his heart and worked met with some titans of industry.  WalMart was about to commit to bringing a sweatshop, I mean factory, to the people to provide economic stimulus.  At any rate, I degress.  Hopefully all is not lost and I am able to plant seeds of compassion and their commitment to the people will not waiver.  I want to see my people rise above the challenge they face.  Become a stronger people.  As the Haitians rise, they will spread the good word about all things being possible with faith in me.

I must go smoke some medicinal marijuana to chill me out before meeting with Mother Nature.  Heaven help her.

Namaste - J