The Digital World

Hello Faithful Ones - Let's start with Steve Job's (he does one of the greatest imitations of me to date) little 'iPad.'  I personally would have called it 'The God Slate.' Just imagine Moses descending from on high with The God Slate.  He'd come down the mountain holding the slate behind his back.  I can see it now - a big goofy grin on his face all excited to show it to the people.   He asks them, "Which Hand?"  They guess a couple times and he finally reveals it. Moses brings it to his lips and kisses it much the way Tiger Woods (one of my greatest human works who got stung by Azazel) kisses a trophy.  He presses the little button and triumphantly he raises it over his head for the world to see.  Behold:  the 10 commandments brightly beaming from the slate in bright, content rich digital multimedia with lots of cool, interactive demonstration videos, power points and study guides for use in small groups.  The people are mesmerized.  Just imagine the impact we could have had then.  Too bad technology had not caught up with our vision for the future back in the day.  The God Slate would have been so much easier to lug down that steep hill, too.


Speaking of digital media, here's a little analogy.  Pope Lavartheus Lemillius I is to Pope Benedict XVI as  Karl Rove is to George Bush.  Benedict is Pinocchio and Lemillius  is Geppetto.  Jesus Inc. (NYSE: JSUS) has embraced blogging and having a rich, multimedia web presence since contra inception.  We've been trying it for a while and being online has worked exceptionally well for us.  We effectively reach our target demographic of tech-savvy professional men and women between the ages of 18 and 37 earning an average salary of $90,000.  So, Pope Lavartheus Lemillius and I had a "meeting" with Benedict.  We strongly encouraged him to present the wonders of technology to the ordained brotherhood.  All people sharing my word need to have an online presence.


As a matter of fact, I was just on the phone with Lemillius and he suggested we buy more server space and sell templates for our less technologically inclined clergy folk to use.  Monthly hosting starts at 9 pieces of silver per month with a one time setup charge of 30 silver pieces.  The mailers are being sent tomorrow.


I look forward to the day when all houses of worship and clergy members become part of the digital age.  The more people who come to know me, the better.  We will be more popular than ever!


Heavenly Yours - Jesus.

10 Commandments Re-Examined

Happy Sabbath my Pilgrims!

Today I had a very spiritual and productive meeting with my boss and your savior Jesus Christ. I feel we are on the right track for getting our movement into the hearts and minds of the world's youth while giving Jesus Inc a positive cash flow.

We've previously discussed new ventures of adverstising, videogames, and WWJD apparel. But how can we tie all of this together with the world? How are we going to make them understand what all of this means. After reading our one and only world's best selling book, "Holy Bible," we've pinpointed the exact issue that we need to simplify.

The 10 Commandments are the staple of what us mortals use to guide us towards a spiritual and holy life. It's our savior's simple little list of rules that if followed, will ensure that when our demise from mortal life is met, that we will have an eternal life in our savior's kingdom.

So as of today, I have simplified the 10 Commandments to where all around the world can understand them without having to interpret "Thou" and "Shall and Shall not." These new commandments will be included in all newly printed versions of our only publiciation starting in January 2010. Below is the list of the revised 10 Commandments. Please note that these are the SAME commandments that we have all had for many centuries, however, they are just simplified for all people.

10 Commandments Simplified:

1. Just one God
2. Don't be puttin nothin' before God
3. Don't be cussin'
4. Don't be missin church on Sunday
5. Don't be mean to momma and daddy
6. Don't be killin people
7. Don't be messin' with another man's woman
8. Don't be stealin stuff that ain't yours
9. Don't be lyin or gossipin
10. Don't be wantin any of your neighbor's stuff

My Pilgrims, these newly refined commandments should assist all people around the world in deciphering these simple little rules. As you can see they are written in a manner where even the pilgrims not as smart as others can even follow our savior because he loves everyone **We're re-examining that rule too.** Thanks for your attention my pilgrims, and go forth, spread our savior's message to the world!
Blessed are those who worship me,
Pope Lavartheus Lemillius I