10 Commandments Re-Examined

Happy Sabbath my Pilgrims!

Today I had a very spiritual and productive meeting with my boss and your savior Jesus Christ. I feel we are on the right track for getting our movement into the hearts and minds of the world's youth while giving Jesus Inc a positive cash flow.

We've previously discussed new ventures of adverstising, videogames, and WWJD apparel. But how can we tie all of this together with the world? How are we going to make them understand what all of this means. After reading our one and only world's best selling book, "Holy Bible," we've pinpointed the exact issue that we need to simplify.

The 10 Commandments are the staple of what us mortals use to guide us towards a spiritual and holy life. It's our savior's simple little list of rules that if followed, will ensure that when our demise from mortal life is met, that we will have an eternal life in our savior's kingdom.

So as of today, I have simplified the 10 Commandments to where all around the world can understand them without having to interpret "Thou" and "Shall and Shall not." These new commandments will be included in all newly printed versions of our only publiciation starting in January 2010. Below is the list of the revised 10 Commandments. Please note that these are the SAME commandments that we have all had for many centuries, however, they are just simplified for all people.

10 Commandments Simplified:

1. Just one God
2. Don't be puttin nothin' before God
3. Don't be cussin'
4. Don't be missin church on Sunday
5. Don't be mean to momma and daddy
6. Don't be killin people
7. Don't be messin' with another man's woman
8. Don't be stealin stuff that ain't yours
9. Don't be lyin or gossipin
10. Don't be wantin any of your neighbor's stuff

My Pilgrims, these newly refined commandments should assist all people around the world in deciphering these simple little rules. As you can see they are written in a manner where even the pilgrims not as smart as others can even follow our savior because he loves everyone **We're re-examining that rule too.** Thanks for your attention my pilgrims, and go forth, spread our savior's message to the world!
Blessed are those who worship me,
Pope Lavartheus Lemillius I