Black Friday

Hello Sheep - Wha's up?  Man, I am stuffed from all that turkey.  It's like a turkey coma.   Mary came over and we ate some birds.  Then we had some bees.  Mmmm....  Like honey.  After we got done eating, Mary wanted to look at the Black Friday ads.  I'm like, "No, woman.  None of that."  She looks at me and she says, "Who do you think you are talking to me that way?"  I reply, "I'm your Daddy."  "Excuse me!", she says with some of that 'ethnic' attitude.  Oh Lord.

All these store making a profit in anticipation of Christ-mass.  Door busters...  Dust busters...  Dave and Busters... Butt busters... Hungr busters...

Zzzzzzz.....

The Pope's Condom?!?!

Faithful - I don't quite know what to say.  Pope Benedictus stated condoms are okay to use and a first step towards morality.  Okay...  And what, not using a condom is a first step towards mortality?
  Whateva...

It has come to my attention the catholic franchisees will start distributing condoms.  With Benny's face on the wrapper.  See here:

If this isn't a killjoy to spending quality time with your special friend, I don't know what is.  This haunting image is enough to instantly turn a grape into a raisin.  A plum to a prune.  Beef into jerky.  Wine to water.  It shrinks cotton - you get the idea.

Less I digress...

This got me thinking.  There is nothing wrong with enjoying the intimate companionship with the object of your affection.  Some practice solo, others practice in a small (or large) group setting.  However, the most common way to enjoy intimacy is with a partner.

Once again, I feel the need to remind the catholicks there is nothing wrong with an orgasm.  It is my gift to you.  How can something that feels so good be bad?  It's like sex for the brain.  Wait...  It is sex for the brain... and the body...  Well, never mind...

And do you think I really intended you to have sex make love with only one person?  At a time?  I want to you to make love to me..  On Sunday....  Just like Mary Magdalene does.  She's HOT.  Did I mention that yet?  Why do you think Sinday Sunday is my day?  On the 7th day I rested.  Yeah, that's the ticket.

Less I digress (again)...

Finding a suitable object of your affection is a lot like buying a car.  You gots to go for some test drives.  Just make sure the dealer doesn't come along to watch - and never give them your photo ID.  Multiple makes and models.  Spend some time with them.  See if their performance pleases your senses.  How does it handle?  Do you like the features and special option packages?  Where can the best deal be had?  Do some comparison shopping.  Check consumers reports.  When you turn on your car does it return the favor?   Cadillacs do.

Yo catholicks - please...  enough with the scary man pictures on the wrapper.  Yes, I realize it is only for protection - protection is meant as a temporary fix - like keeping plastic on the furniture so you don't get peter marks or hit a bump and spill during the testing phase...

So, wear  a condom while on a test drive.  When you finally find the one you commit to, peel back the plastic and enjoy.

Love,

Cheesus.

Word up yo?  Ministry is going well.  People are being saved.  They are coming to the Father.  Jesus! Inc (NYSE: JSUS) is on a roll.  Got that thing on auto-pilot.  Revenue is pouring in from are various products, including:  Jesus Water, Jesus Mints, JESUS! (kinda like Bingo), Sanctuary!, our Lego figures and sets, etc.  It's just one big life savin' money makin' machine.  My Father would be proud.  Oh, wait...  I am the Father....

I'm getting jazzed about my "Awaken the Giant Within" seminar with Tony Robbins.  It's going to be incredible!

My Hot Girl friend

Yo - Sheep - what up?  Guess what?  My HOT girlfriend is joining us.  It's gonna be awesome.  Mary Magdalene!

Did you ever see that movie "She's out of your League?"  There is this scene were the guys are talking about how a guy and a girl have to be rated close to the same for the relationship to work.  Let me tell you, Mary is a hard perfect 10.  Me...  Yes, I am perfect.  However, I consider my own appearance to be more of a good, strong and solid 7.

So far it works.  Remember, they don't call me captain foot long for nothin.

I'll let Mary tell you more.

Baaaaaah out - Jesus!

Going to see Tony Robbins

Believers - I finally got hooked up to go see Tony in Hawaii.  I figure if I am serious about personal change I should learn from the best in one of the most beautiful places I made.  Hawaii.  As in Hawaii 5-0.  Yeah, that's right.

The personal transformation seminar will be in the next couple weeks.  In the meantime I am going to enjoy some lamb, unleavened bread and some water turned to wine.

Piece out - J-Dawg