I have been fielding requests from Twitter lately regarding what happened to the dinosaurs. There are some theories out there saying that the dinosaurs were made extinct by an asteroid. Seriously, an asteroid? Can our religious folks come up with more creative propaganda than this? What I am about to show you is still considered Top Secret. I cannot live with myself knowing that the truth has been hidden deep in papal vaults for many of years.
Below is a redacted file that I found in the Papal vaults. The highlighted sentences hold the true key to what really happened to these mysterious creatures. I have used my Papal authority as the CEO of Jesus Corp (NYSE: JSUS)to obtain the images that tell the real story. Scroll down below the redacted file.
Sent from a trusted source; these images tell the REAL story of how our dinosaurs were erased from this Earth. It has nothing to do with asteroids and other fictitious space odysseys; rather, it is a scandal on the Holy Book itself. The Bible will have you believe that the dinosaurs were already extinct before the great flood. But now after all these years; the undeniable proof has surfaced!
This is a slap in the face to Jesus Corp! Many popes before me have done their best to hide the truth. Noah just completely dropped the ball on this! The two documents tell two completely different stories; however, they have the same result - NO DINOSAURS. I will do everything in my Papal powers to see if we cannot rectify this egregious oversight by Noah! Also, this is a good time to plug in that if you need any spiritual advice, you can hit me up on Twitter at @PopeLavartheus or call 1-800-Pay-4-Pray and speak to one of our prayer consultants.
In my own name I pray:
Pope Lavartheus Lemilius I
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