Investors and Shareholders - After much consideration and debate I, along with the disciples, apostles and Azazel decided a name change to our corporation is needed. We are growing extremely fast - almost like an upstart. Innovation is alive and well due to the great team we assembled in January. During one of the meetings, Pope Lavartheus stated Jesus, Inc. was confusing. The name needed some pizazz. Some punch added to it.
During out telephone polling about speaking in tongues we also asked people about Jesus, Inc. People would say things like - Jesus? Jesus. Who's Jesus? JESUS jeeZUS - we heard all kinds of unusual takes on a timeless name...
The executive council held a brainstorming session in the conference room at our new corporate headquarters in New Hope, PA. We hired an obscenely overpriced consultant to facilitate the meeting. We were throwing beach balls, brain storming for ideas, generating mind maps, talking about mission statements and the whole 9 yards. Breaks were 30 minutes in duration and started every hour on the hour and every half hour. It's amazing we got anything done?!?!?! Less I digress....
We had the AH HAH! moment. The epiphany if you will. Someone (I can't remember who) blurted out we should have an exclamation point at the end of Jesus. So it looks like this - Jesus! Brilliant - absolutely brilliant. The exclamation point solidifies my position. The way I should be seen in the world. The excitement of my message. The excitement of MY brand. JESUS! People want to know me. People love knowing me. People love my message of hope, love and forgiveness. The promise of everlasting life. The forgiveness of sins. Redemption. It's all because of JESUS!
I'm reminded of a bumper sticker:
No Piece?
Know Jesus!
Know Peace.
Jesus! JESUS! J-E-S-U-S! JEEEESUUUUSSSS. It reminds of a song:
The was a God and Jesus was his name-O... J-E-S-U-S, J-E-S-U-S and Jesus was his name-O.
*clap* E-S-U-S *clap* E-S-U-S and Jesus was his name-O.
You get the idea.
We understand our old name was LAME-O so we improved it with a simple mark of punctuation. The explanation point! Brilliant. So, effective today, we are now JESUS! Inc. (NYSE: JSUS).
Your life partner and friend - JESUS!!!
Showing posts with label jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jesus. Show all posts
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Common Misconception
Hey everybody, Azazel here. You may know me by some of my other names: Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Father of Lies, Crooked Serpent, Beelzebub, Unclean Spirit, Lucifer, Antichrist, Wicked One, Satan, Bob. There are many other names but I think you get the point.
I want to thank JC for allowing me to say a few things on his blog. He didn't have to. After all, he has an image to keep up with. And that is exactly what I wanted to talk about. Image. You see, for a long time now, people have been passing around the wrong information on me. Blaming me for things I did not do. Turning people against me through false statements and half-speak. I would usually find that behavior pretty awesome, but when the lies are pointed at me, it kind of hurts. I am basically a good guy and I am sick and tired of people hating me for all the wrong reasons. So I'd like to take this time to set the record straight.
I am not this evil person that just goes around hurting others for no reason. I started out as a simple venture capitalist for goodness sake! I saw what JC was doing with the whole creation/Adam and Eve thing. I liked it and wanted a piece of the action. Yes I got greedy and started fudging the numbers. What with the snake and the apple thing. And I got caught and was kicked out of heaven. Do you know what that is like? It sucks. It's like living in a 4000 square foot loft in Manhattan with a butler and chauffeur and then getting moved to some pig farm in Ohio with no running water and some hillbilly roommate. Soak THAT in.
Sure, I was bitter for a while and did some mean things. It was me who started the Spanish Inquisition. It was me who told the French that nobody liked them which then made them so snooty with the rest of the world. But that's the sort of things I do. I whisper in people's ear and tell them things that may or may not be true. That's it! I am not a bully. I just take what you know and give it a little spin. That's why they call it Devils Advocate people! I simply give individuals another point of view to look at. If they do something bad because of what I said, well that is on them. It's not my fault they couldn't handle the news.
So, now that you know how I operate, stop blaming me for crap I did not do. The Haiti earthquake? NOT ME! (for the sake of disclosure though, I may or may not be to blame for any rioters after the quake). But the actual quake? Not this devil. I don't do natural disasters. It's too easy. The tsunami a few years back? Not me. Hurricane Katrina? Not me. (though I told the army engineers that the levies were working fine. Sorry about that). Heck, people even blame me for global warming. Blame Al Gore. Why would I want to cause global warming? LA is one of my best markets. It doesn't help me one bit if it is under water. Come on people. Think!
Well I guess I have rambled on enough and I think I got my point across. Thanks for listening. Hey JC, we still on for game night at your place? I have a serious yearning for some boggle!
I want to thank JC for allowing me to say a few things on his blog. He didn't have to. After all, he has an image to keep up with. And that is exactly what I wanted to talk about. Image. You see, for a long time now, people have been passing around the wrong information on me. Blaming me for things I did not do. Turning people against me through false statements and half-speak. I would usually find that behavior pretty awesome, but when the lies are pointed at me, it kind of hurts. I am basically a good guy and I am sick and tired of people hating me for all the wrong reasons. So I'd like to take this time to set the record straight.
I am not this evil person that just goes around hurting others for no reason. I started out as a simple venture capitalist for goodness sake! I saw what JC was doing with the whole creation/Adam and Eve thing. I liked it and wanted a piece of the action. Yes I got greedy and started fudging the numbers. What with the snake and the apple thing. And I got caught and was kicked out of heaven. Do you know what that is like? It sucks. It's like living in a 4000 square foot loft in Manhattan with a butler and chauffeur and then getting moved to some pig farm in Ohio with no running water and some hillbilly roommate. Soak THAT in.
Sure, I was bitter for a while and did some mean things. It was me who started the Spanish Inquisition. It was me who told the French that nobody liked them which then made them so snooty with the rest of the world. But that's the sort of things I do. I whisper in people's ear and tell them things that may or may not be true. That's it! I am not a bully. I just take what you know and give it a little spin. That's why they call it Devils Advocate people! I simply give individuals another point of view to look at. If they do something bad because of what I said, well that is on them. It's not my fault they couldn't handle the news.
So, now that you know how I operate, stop blaming me for crap I did not do. The Haiti earthquake? NOT ME! (for the sake of disclosure though, I may or may not be to blame for any rioters after the quake). But the actual quake? Not this devil. I don't do natural disasters. It's too easy. The tsunami a few years back? Not me. Hurricane Katrina? Not me. (though I told the army engineers that the levies were working fine. Sorry about that). Heck, people even blame me for global warming. Blame Al Gore. Why would I want to cause global warming? LA is one of my best markets. It doesn't help me one bit if it is under water. Come on people. Think!
Well I guess I have rambled on enough and I think I got my point across. Thanks for listening. Hey JC, we still on for game night at your place? I have a serious yearning for some boggle!
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