Lindsay is gonna get some self appreciation time in prison and go to some rehabilitation classes. You see, fame and fortune came way to fast and way too early for Lindsay. She was not equipped to deal with the success her me given talents would bring her.
Because of her successes, she forgot all about me. She ran amuck. Drinking, snorting, partying, screwing, etc. You know - partaking in all the "-ing sins."
I remain optimistic that her 90 days of self appreciation time and rebab classes will be good for her. Something magical happens when people hit the bottom. They begin searching. Searching for meaning. Searching for the way. My way. When down, out and on the skids, that's where people find me. Almost always. It's amazing. I am always there. I know everything. My love does not waver. I'm everywhere. Somehow it takes being a bottom feeder for people to realize just how valuable a relationship with me is. In my strength, people find their strength. We make 'sinergy.'
Those rehab programs also place an emphasis on developing a relationship with me. My strength brings them strength. Blahblahblah.
So Lindsay, now that the world is starting to seem like this cold, mean place, I am waiting for you. Ready to accept you and love you. Are you ready? Ready for a real relationship with a REAL man? Are you ready to feel all shiny and new? All you have to do is say the world and I'll be there.
Until then, enjoy your meaningless existence on planet earth. Get your act together. Pick up the phone. Call now. I have operators are standing by to meet with you and pray with you. And, if you call within the next 30 minutes, I'll throw in a free t-shirt!
Love, Jesus.
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