Whoa Man

Dudes and Dudettes - That was one hellacious party!!!  Thanks to everyone who showed up and celebrated my resurrection from the dead.  How cool was that?  One of the two MAJOR miracles making me and my movement timeless.  I bring hope to the people.  I die and come again.  You can too, only if you accept me as your lord and savior...  You too will live again.  Except, I will be relocating you to Heaven, the best place on Earth.

Just to let everyone know, the last couple days have been very tramatic.  They've killed me.  I have wounds and need an image makeover.  I will be traveling to Beverly Hills to meet with the best plastic surgeon known to man.  Being crucified and returning takes it's toll on the body.  My hands, ankles and head are in dyer need of reconstruction.  Once the procedures are complete, I will be better than new.  Think of it as a restoration project.

Upon my return I will be doing interviews.  A few months ago I mentioned we were negotiating to test the waters for a televised interview process.  I decided I would be doing an interview on the stipulation it would be taped in advance and our legal team at Jesus! Inc. (NYSE JSUS) would screen the edited version before airing to the world and allow us the right to re-edit sections up to the entire interview for content and style.

My image is important.  The way I am seen and the way my message is portrayed is key to continue adding more and more members to our little club.

So...  who did we end up selecting for the interview?  Larry King - Hell no.  Anderson Cooper - cute but no.  Katie Couric - no way - did you see how see botched Sarah Palin's image?  Barbara Walters - no - she's too old and wrinkly.  Her accent drives me absolutely bonkers.  Barb comes off as a phony - she's a plastic.  That says a lot coming from me.

We ended it signing the deal with Oprah Winfrey.  Oprah is the juggernaut for media attention.  Being on her show is part of her farewell tour and part of my resurgence in the world.  It's the passing of the baton - I am her legacy.  Her publicity machine will catapult me, my movement and my message front and center in the minds of most Americans.   Bless Sister Winfrey for taking of the awesome opportunity I bestowed to her.

All that being said, do you really want to know the kicker in the deal?  Satan is a shrewd negotiator and brokered a deal to have Harpo Productions coordinate my care during this difficult time with Dr. Oz and Dr. Palmer.  The team assembled insures my healing and comeback will be a better experience that Michael Jackon's.  I miss that man.

I don't know if my updates will be as frequent while I'm recovering.  I'll do my best - just as I ask of you.  To do you best in the wake of adversity.

I will post pictures once my transformation is complete.

See you soon.

Love, Jesus