Kiss Me! I'm Irish

The greatest thing about March 17 is getting to be Irish for a day.  I can shed the Jewish thing.  I can skip being Mexican for a day.  All for the one day of getting to be Irish and have green beer flowing through my veins.  Heck, we can even have communion with green beer and pretzels if you like.  How fun is that?

Less I digress -

So, since March 17th fell on Thursday this year, I couldn't decide weather to celebrate the weekend before or the weekend after.  After careful thought and deliberation, I started celebrating last weekend.  I traveled to Boston to celebrate...  They got tons of Irishmen and women up there...

I walk in and everyone yells "Geeez!"  And Woody looks up and says, "How'z it going Mr. Christ."  "It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear."  I mosey over to a stool in the corner and Sammy draws me a green beer.  Is it me or does it taste kinda funny?

The next I see is a yellow dog school bus pull up.  All these college kids wearing green coming pouring out of the bus, congregating in the lot.  The kids are wearing all kinds of crazy green.  Shirt, hair color, tights, jewelry, belts - the works.  My personal favorite are the green afro wigs and the green leprechaun hats - especially the ones with glitter.  Remember, I like shiny things.  Less I digress.

The youngin's come strolling in and coach has this totally bewildered look.  He has no clue.  He never has a clue.  Anyways...  They come in and order more drinks than I can count.  Someone recognizes me and says, "It's JESUS!"  I rise from my stool to survey they crowd.  This is the start to a banging party....

Someone lights a bong - I'm there...  We're passing it around getting baked.  Someone spills a bear on the floor.  Major foul.  I look around and say, "Have no fears - for I am here to comfort you."  I look down at the spilt beer and nod my head back and fourth.  What a tragedy.  I think to myself - I'm gonna turn this around.  One of my favorite party tricks - I walk on the spilt beer.  People start cheering.  Next thing someone puts a quarter in the jukebox and Sammy lowers the lights.  Conga line in Cheers.  The bong is being passed up and down the line.  Everyone is feeling so good.

We're lit.  We got the munchies and Cheers runs out of pretzels and popcorn...  WTH?  Someone suggests we go down the street to Moe's.  Someone gets this crazy idea to pick me up and carry me to the bus - we loaded up and headed to Moe's.  It was loud and obnoxious.  Suddenly my chilrin are singing songs....

"Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so.  Yes, Jesus Loves Me, Yes Jesus loves you."  It is a glorious chorus of slurred words...  Next they start up with the "What a friend we have in Jesus."  I love it when drunk partyers get out of control....  Having a great time.

Next thing you know, I'm sitting in the bus and start to feel mighty queezy.  I think it was the cheesesteak and chowda mishmash I had for lunch....  All of a sudden, it all comes up...  Like projectile vomiting.  The technicolor rainbow.  I'm hacking and gagging.  Starting to dry heave.   Suddenly the bus is silent with the chilren look at me with this mystified looking of horror.  No more singing...  No more laughing. No more carousing.  THis is awkward.

I hear the girl in front of me crying.  I look over the seatback.  She's got vomit in her hair.  Oh geez.  That was me...  Major party foul...  What I was really hoping to do was show her me lucky charms.

THe bus pulls over and I'm booted out the back door...  I manage my way to the curb.  I sit and I reflect. What a mess....  I see a piece of cardboard leaned up against the telephone pole a few yards back.  I look at the sign and sigh...

I hold up the sign.  It reads "Kiss me I'm Irish."  I'm walking my corner with a plastic solo cup hitting people up for donations.  Someone drops measly pocket change in my cup.  What has the world come to?  Can you at least give me some food to help me sober up?

Until next time.... - Jesus.