Californ-I-A

My Greatest Fans - I arrived in San Diego yesterday and took the day off.

I think I am going to grab some lunch.   In-N-Out makes the best burger.  Ever.  I only wish they would change the name...  It is unknown exactly what they are referring to.  Driving in to get food and out when ya got it?  A sexual action?  People entering and leaving a relationship with me?  Fads and trends - you know, at one time something is in, the next it's out; take the Tamagotchi Gigapets from the 1990's?  How about deelie boppers? Parachute Pants?  Who's seen any of them in the last 15 years?  Exactly.  Less I digress..

I'm eating a burger during lent - it's okay for you, too.  I didn't invent the Friday fish and fast thing.  That was invented by man before corporate food production developed.  Besides, I know my days with you are numbered and I am going to enjoy each and every one of them for I know what tomorrow will bring.  I also love how In-N-Out strategically places their favorite bible verses on their packaging.  We call it subliminal ministry and I'm sure it responsible for introducing millions to the glory of God.

During this dark time of our relationship, Azazele, Pope Lavartheus and myself are working hard to build a legacy.   Our partnership with Lego is going very well.  One of our best clergyfolk (and mentor for franchisees) created a great thing.

Essentially this is the bible's greatest hits told using Legos...  It is a work of art and a great toy.  It stimulates thinking and understanding.  Logic and reason.  We also learned the sets are nominated for the  prestigious Oppenheim Toy Award.   Take a look at the detail level put into these sets; using a combination of  proprietary and stock Lego pieces.  Incredible.  You'd think these were minted from gold.

Starting today, these are available worldwide at toy and Christian book stores.   Each story is available in a kit starting at 2 pieces of silver.  Complete bibles and/or testaments are available at discounted prices.  Contact us for more information at www.pay4pray.com.

I will also give you a sneak peak for a future release due out on Monday. We will be unveiling a cross-generational product (get it - cross generational).  Jesus Bingo!

We needed a vehicle to reach young and old alike.  I can see it now - folks in assisted living and nursing home facilities, kids, lock-ins, Sunday school activities, vacation bible schools, fund raisers for non profits - the list goes on and on.  It is totally awesome.  Someone pointed out their are two S columns - it was no accident.  Think of it as a bonus - more chances to win.  Hey, I can't help if it Jesus has two s's.  We are debating to eliminate the same number being printed on both S columns at the same time.  If S-12 is called, one could conceivably (ha!) get two mark outs with one shout out.  Instead of yelling bingo, the winner jumps to their feet, proclaims JESUS! as their lord and savior, claps, and raises their hands doing a little dance of jubilant joy!  The others will clap, say a prayer and lay hands on the winner for their new found blessing.  A prayer partner will be available to visit with them and explain just exactly what it is they just won.  We call it a random selection alter call.  All in a bingo-hall or tent.  A ministry revolution!

We are tweaking how we are utilizing the ball cage.  The letters and numbers may not be printed on the little balls.  Instead, it will take two people to call out the next possible mark on the card.  One person will receive the message from me and speak in tongues.  The other person will translate and call to the masses.  I know how speaking in tongues freaks some people out.  A telephone survey is being conducted to study the positive and negative impacts to attract new members to our club.

A video promo is in production for all churches to use in their video announcements - have the bookstore manager contact us for bulk pricing.  We'll do combo deals for all products!  You make money, we make money all in the name of ministry!  Praise me!

These are exciting times for Jesus, Inc (NYSE: JSUS).  The business model is coming together nicely as we broaden our reach with a message of hope, love and forgiveness.

Grace to you - Jesus

Ministry Toys

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls -

I am pleased to report the mission employed by Pope Lavartheus Lemillius I, Azazel and all of Jesus Inc. (NYSE: JSUS) is paying off in spades.  Earlier, we made our plans known to reach new recruits through the use of technology, media, athletic sponsorship, endorsements and the like.  Last week when we sent the direct mailers out to all the clergyfolk advertising our new server/template program, we received some good news from a church in Switzerland.  They have constructed a life size replica of me made out of Legos.  See below:

I'm surprised we weren't made aware of this earlier.  Since reaching out to our franchise churches and cultivating a collaborative relationship to share ministry tools, I am confident each of our franchisees will be contributing to the greater good and taking from the greater good.   It is rewarding to see innovation alive and well - especially when dealing with such ancient teachings.  This goes to show my teachings are just as relevant today as they were the day they were written.  It is good to be such a forward thinking and broad reaching, timeless entity.  Brother Disney would be proud.


Anyway, how awesome is this?  I am enshrined in a lego creation.  I only wish they used more of the colored blocks so it is more life-like instead of looking like some Lincoln Memorial statue....   As a token of my appreciation, we are waiving our one-time set up charge for their website and giving them a years worth of hosting for free and they will also be featured in our monthly newsletter. 


Less I degress...


We are negotiating now to have this kit available to all churches as well as built models being placed in Legoland and most major flagship toystore locations.  We are also working with Lego to have mini-kits produced for all the children to build and play with.  I see the day when these kits are standard equipment in every Mother's Day Out program and every Sunday School curriculum in the 7-11 year old age range.


As a side note, Azazel and I are getting jazzed about our trip to Sin City.  It's gonna be blast.  Especially since it is SuperBowl weekend and the Saints are playing!  WHO DAT?  GO SAINTS!!!

Jesus products

Azazel here.
As part of my new role in Jesus Inc., I have been asked to help in the marketing of Jesus and his image. Anything and everything that will help Jesus get his presence out into the world in a more "hip" way. Yes I know his mug is all over every christian church on the planet, but lately, not a lot of people are going INTO those churches. So we need new ways of reaching the people. The popester has already introduced the new TV show "Pope My Ride" and that is awesome. So I knew going into this venture that I had to bring something big to the table.

I started thinking of things that I used to do to turn people AGAINST Jesus. I was pretty successful so I thought I could use that strategy in reverse. Then it came to me. Children! I used to mess with every kid from the moment they could walk all the way through high school. Puberty was a HUGE time for me to get new recruits. I mean think about it. Kids are so easily influenced and all I had to do was mess with a few blockbuster movies or a few music albums, and they were mine. You remember the whole Beatles controversy? The one where people thought you could hear "Paul is dead" when you played the record backwards? Yeah, I loved that story. So I stole the idea. If you were able to rewind a dvd with sound, try doing it with any Barney episode and see what you find. Man there is some sick stuff being said!

I am rambling a bit so I will get on with it. In lieu of my new role as a "good guy", I would like to unveil a new line of kid's toys that are sure to help bring the kiddies to Jesus. I give you...G.I. Jesus




This is just the first step to bringing Jesus back into the lives of all mankind.
Peace be in you. Or however it goes. Hey, I'm new here, give me a break!