Catlick priests?

I finally figured out the problem with the catholicks and their abuse/molestation and porn problems with children.  It was a design flaw.  Starting today they shall be called catlick priests.

Have you ever seen a cat give itself a bath?  And...  they get into this awkward position...

Go about their business grooming the gentiles genitals...Never mind...Sorry...

Less I digress...

That's where I goofed.  It must have been a day after a party when I'm working with a hangover to create catholick priests.  I think I meant to call them catlicks.  Ooops.  Which leads to another flaw....

I didn't want all you horny toad wanna be gang bangers hanging out it your study chambers doing unspeakable things to children and creating stained glass murals as some sort of twisted headboard notching device.   By design, the human body is not capable of being bent in half to prevent this kind of behavior.  I am in awe of contortionists because they exceed the range motion specifications I built into the human body making the mischief of a do it yourself rim or blow job possible.

Side note:  What if Gene Simmons was a Cirque du Solei contortionist instead of a member of Kiss?

Less I digress...

Normal people are NOT built to do those kinds of deviant behaviors on themselves.  Each other?  Yes.  Themselves?  NO.


But hey, among many other things, I'm a flexible guy, a creative thinker and a problem solver!

Starting today, all those who listed becoming catlick priests on their vocation interest and survey cards will be able to take the same position as the pussy cat shown above.  If the catlick priest wants stimulation from something besides my word, it is now self serve....  Like those new blow-yo fro-yo bars.

Now when you catlicks attend mass, you'll get a real show tailored specifically for the adult crowd.  Hidden cameras will be installed in all study chambers and bragging confession booths.  Since when did mass and counseling sessions become NC-17?  Just wait until Satan has a hand in editing your inservice video promotion and announcement videos.  The outtakes may even make it to the end of the year gagwheel.  Hahahaha.

Peace out perves - J-Dog.

P.S.  Pope Benedict got to see the concept art for my new catlick feature set.  He has requested to have his body retrofitted with this new feature.  He'll be out of the office for a couple of days.  Wait until you see the smile on his face during his next prayer vigil.  Sucker.