Molest children
Break my commandments - especially the ones about having no other God before me, lusting over someone else's wife, stealing, etc
Twist my words to fit their agenda and communicating them in a way completely contradicting the intent I had when they were written.
Abuse their position of power to use passive aggressive tactics to manipulate people.
Consider themselves preachers of my good news for their own glorification instead of mine.
Take advantage of my aging children only to extort money from them for "ministry"and to leave a legacy for the franchised church.
Seriously, if someone wanted to leave our franchise organizations some money, they would have planned to do so before they were about to take their last breath. As some of these people are getting closer to being home with me, I bet their judgement is a little foggy and they want to be left alone so they just give away their money. They don't need it in heaven, anyway. It sickens me to think their last days on Earth will involve one (sometimes more) of my certified instructors harassing them until the end only to put on some dog and pony show at their funeral.
In a way, some of these clergy folk turn my stomach - stealing from the suffering for their own gain... Come on now. They conduct themselves like criminals. As a matter of fact, these franchise owners are worse than the bank CEO's Chosen One Obama and Brother Bush chose to bail out with tax payer money. We all know how upset a majority of Americans are about that one....
The entire situation breaks my heart.
I admit our franchisee leader selection process has been pretty weak. I know we have some real losers. We are especially taken back as we read the survey results from the parishioners - it's apalling. It'd look like a scandal if we fired them all and then had an internationally televised 'tar and feathering' ceremony where their followers could see what I really think of them. Satan would be in charge of that... But, we can't. These bad apples will eventually fall off my life giving, fruit bearing tree, die and as they rot slowly make their way down to hell. Later, Satan will have a field day with them.
I, along with Pople Lavartheus, St. John and Satan are working to bring change to the selection process. We want talented men and women with integrity and holy principles leading my church. We want people who live the same way in private as they profess to live in public. If you think you've got what it takes, log on to www.pay4pray.com and submit an application with a resume and photo. Don't call us. We'll call you.
We met with the disciples and formed a task force to completely revamp our selection process. One thing we do agree on - every single candidate will be on a probation period for ten (yes, 10) years before receiving the final stamp of approval. Each candidate will be set up with a mentor (one of my disciples) to provide counsel and guidance. The candidates will also be given their own franchise church to run. If all goes well, they will earn their collars (it's kinda the same as angels earning their wings) after proving themselves worthy for 10 years.
If they screw up, I will yank that leash so fast, they will wish they never messed with me.
Love to all - Jesus
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