Benedict's Scandal

Hello Believers - Pope Benedict Arnold needs to do more than send a letter apologizing for the conduct of his priests - not only to the Italians, but to the entire world.  I swear to me, those priests of his must be a member of some union - like the fraternal order of the priesthood or something.  The union president and foremen must have pictures of Benny getting nasty with a cardinal in public (away from the vatican).  These guys are abusing my children and all Benny does is send a generic letter of apology?  Absolutely Insulting.  Hiding behind a friggin' pen and a piece of paper.  Hey Benedict, if I had my way, you'd be stripped of your role, your little freak costume with the robes and pointy hats, I would tar and feather you for the entire world to see.  Your dignity would be history.

His people answer to him and he answers to me.  If I was him, I'd go for public castration - that oughta make a small dent to righting the wrongs that have been done under his (and John Paul's) watch.  Oh wait, turn the other cheek.  Maybe not in this case.

People should expect such deviant behavior cumming coming from a bunch of men who think they are gods themselves.  I am the one and only God and I can not even believe people behave this way.  Satan is appalled.  I think the only one laughing is HellBoy.  Less I digress.

What would happen if the buttlicks Catholics only allowed women to be in a position of authority?  Would little girls be abused?  Probably not-women are estrogen based.  The sorry excuses for men are testosterone based and have no way to appropriately channel their aggressions and anger.

Could you possibly imagine a catholic church allowing men AND women to serve side by side.  It hasn't happened in thousands of years so why would it start now?

The entire problem with the catholics is the suppression of primal desire.  Physical contact, love and sex in the confines of holy matrimony or holy union.  And no, a child joined to a priest's penis is not a holy union.  Idiots.  Seriously - with the fraternal order of the priesthood, their desires become more insatiable and they begin to manifest themselves in some really twisted ways.  The only way the catholics can act on their desires is to take out their anger, pent up frustration and aggression of not being able to have sexual relations and act on innocent children. Absolutely Sick.

The rules their little organization instituted has caused their world to crumble.  I can't believe how their sheep can be so forgiving and put up with this behavior.  Do you people not understand these guys you call the leaders of YOUR church are nothing more than a brotherhood sick twisted perverts?  It's like turning a bunch of pedophiles loose in a daycare.  Oh, wait...  that's the problem....

As God, I may actually hate these guys and their little club and send them to the place I don't talk about that often.  HELL.  We all know it is there and I use it as a last resort.  Can you imagine these bozos thinking they are doing my work only to find themselves tormented for their eternal lives living in the sewers of hell?

Now if I was running their show, I can see having the fraternal order of the priesthood.  However, I would also incorporate a sorority called the sisterhood of the nunnery.

Here's where it gets really good:  I would rent out the ballroom at an Embassy Suites near vatican city. Shuttle the sisterhood and brotherhood to the hotel.  Upon arrival we would have everyone stop at a table and fill out name tags like this one:

After the name tag is affixed to their robes, the next stop would be the baskets with free condoms.  In each basket, there there would be a sign that reads, "Party Hats mandatory - take one."  The men awkwardly sliding condoms into their stoles.  Even more awkward would be the women stashing condoms in their head pieces - no, I won't go there....

The manager's reception would open and they start boozing - loosening up a bit and lowering their inhibitions.  I can see it now, all the men and women in their religious garb glancing at each others name tags, introducing themselves and making small talk.  They'd be buying drinks for one another - like the big spenders at those all-inclusive resorts.  The night would suddenly have potential.  The doors to the ballroom would open and we'd have a little dance.  Open Bar.  Modern music with the beat the kids love.  Dancing would inevitably leads to wanting to do the horizontal hokey pokey.  It becomes blatantly obvious couples are forming.  This is gonna be better than a preppy frat party.

Here's the kicker - we'd have the entire joint....  so when it just feels right, they could frolic up to one of the suites and finally act on and enjoy the pleasures of the flesh.  Swing from the chandaliers and have some of that crazy monkey sex.  First Base, Second Base, Third Base and a Home Run (we could call it a home nun?)  Touchdown! He shoots - he scores!  Hopefully you get the idea.

I wonder how many nuns have seen a man make their "O-Face?"

The next day, we'd load them back up in the busses and shuttle them back to vatican city.   It would be awkward.  They wouldn't even be able to look at each other and at the same time they'd all have these goofy smiles on their faces.  Yet, when they got back to their own traditional living quarters, I would love to be a fly on the wall and hear the stories they'd tell.  Wait - I hear everything anways so my presence wouldn't be needed to get the 411.  At meal time, the men and women who just fornicated would be discretely glancing at each other, waiving to one another and winking.  The funniest moment would be when they begin making suggestive movements and gestures with their tacos, hotdogs, bananas and cucumbers.  What a sight!

Then I could come down for their first chapel session and give a speech in front of a giant "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" banner!  Hallelujah!