Let's get physical

Hello Boys and Girls and all the pretty animals.  I was reading an article where some smart people conducted a study and they found it takes a middle aged woman ONE HOUR of physical activity to fight the flab.

When I created the women from the rib of the man, something went horribly wrong.  I've known about the defect for years and tried to keep it a secret.  I couldn't figure out what happened.  I couldn't and that says a lot about the complex magnitude of the issue because I know everything.

So instead of fixing it, I decided to feature it.  Satan and I partnered together nicely on this one.  See, most guys (normal guys) don't like fat chicks.  The porkers smell funny; making a wonderful bug repellent.  No one wants to be breathing the stink all the time...  Less I digress...

See, Satan and I worked together.  When I couldn't figure out how to fix it, he laughed.  Hard.  He started blowing milk out of his nose...

Let's see - where was I?

We wanted to see if long time marriages would last as each partner starts to get fat, get lazy and basically fall apart.  Why do you think men typically die first?  So they don't have to wake up next to something ugly when things start going down hill.  Then women discovered if they got dentures they could keep their man around when they weren't wearing their dentures if you know whata mean?!?!

Man... I'm scrambled today.

So here's what we learned.  Appearance is important to men.  When given a choice a man will drive a hot, sexy car compared to an old, worn out junker.  Same holds true with women.  Why do you think there are so many 'perverted old men' getting trophy wives?

By nature, men are hunters and gatherers.  They enjoy the thrill of the hunt and like to have something to show for it.  Can you imagine a lion bringing home a sickly skank skunk?  A man wants to bring something home he can proudly admire and show off to all his friends.

What does all this prove?  That I am really a mean God who has a twisted sense of humor?  No, it proves the men I made are also flawed.  They think with their dumbstick.

I was especially pleased when American Pie came out because the movie made older women hot.  MILF-a-licious.   Milf started out as a joke.  But it caught traction with the youngins.  So I planted a seed with Courtney Cox Arquette and she really made older women desirable when she started her Cougars show.  Then the Cougar Cruise went en vogoue... I like to consider these kinds of activities equalizers to restore balance.  The estrogen that balances the testosterone.  Yin/Yang.  Yeah Baby!!!

Holy matrimony was always intended to be a challenge.  If it was easy, everyone would do it and succeed at it.  After many years together I wanted the ultimate challenge of trying to keep a tired, worn out relationship on track.  Good one, huh?

I sit back and think to myself - back in the day I had it together.  I put challenges in place to see how the mortals would handle and adapt to them.  It may take a while but the pendulum always swings back to the center.  I did a great job creating a world for my enjoyment.

Thanks for keep things interesting.

And boys... Always remember "bro's before hoe's!"

Love, Jesus!