Hello Children - Did you know FaceBook won't let me have my own page? When I apply with my legal name, they give me some kind of error message and ask me to contact them directly for identity verification. I don't think so. As ruler of the universe, I shouldn't have to prove anything to anyone unless I want to.... Their loss.
So, ghost writer lets me peruse facebook with his account - some of you people are completely bonkers. But, you know what? I still love you. Anyways... Apparently, the mortals go through and periodically cleanse their friends list. Sister Gloria posted something profound - "You know your day really sucks when God unfriends you." Fear not - if I can't friend my people to begin with, how can I unfriend them? You are in control of your relationship with me. I am and always will be here for you.
Some members of the club paint me out to be this mean, vengeful and angry man. Really? If that was the case, you would be raised by an emotional and/or physically abusive parent and would need years of therapy to make amends with me and your childhood. I love you. I only want what's best for you. Like any parent, I do the best I can with what I've got.
But, if I did have a facebook page, just imagine the tormenting I could do by randomly unfriending people from my existence. It would be devastating to them. Satan and I would get a good laugh doing all the tormenting but that would hurt my children. I will always care for you and love you - no matter how tempting it is to have a little fun at your expense.
At this time, we're gonna pass the bucket. Give what you want, not what you can even if you can't. Your financial gifts go a long way to buying off the victims of the fraternal order of the priesthood. I'll bless you as you give. ->Cue music<-
Love, Jesus.
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