So a lot of people have been asking about my joining with Jesus Inc. They want to know what my agenda is or what trick I have up my sleeve. The other day, Terry (the HDIC in Hell) came up to me and said he wanted "in". I said, "in?". He said "yeah, whatever your play to screw with Jesus is, I want in." He didn't believe me when I said there was no angle. There is no trick. I am joining Jesus Inc. to help spread the amazing word of Jesus Our Saviour. That's' it. Seriously. No really, Jesus needs all the help he can get.
You see, ever since I gave the idea to Thomas Newcomen to build the first piston and cylinder engine way back in the 1700's, thus beginning the Industrial Revolution, my job has been SUPER easy. Once industry began to spring up, capitalism began to grow, and the rest is history. Back in the middle ages, people's lives were crap. So who did they look to? Religion. The religious leaders of that time were just as powerful as Kings and Queens. My job was rough! Everyone turned to God for help. Once I helped Tom build that first engine, and people realized they could build a way to a better life, well they stopped looking to God for answers and started looking for mechanics.
Then we hit the 20th century and my job became a breeze! The roaring 20's started the water boiling for excessive living and blasphemy. Then some dude tries to kill some other dude and we have World War 1. So the water keeps boiling. Then along comes Hitler. (and just as a side note, I had NOTHING to do with Hitler. That guy is a nutcase. Someone didn't get hugged enough as a child. Heck, I don't even talk to him at bingo night in Hell). Yet World War 2 blew industry out of the water. America became obsessed with power. (Which is good to a certain point, but the more power there is, the more corruption there is.) Satan Enterprises was doing so well that I took a sabbatical for the entire 1960's. All I did was listen to Janis, Jimi and The Who and enjoy life.
The 70's depressed the Hell right back into me and I went back to work for a bit, but to be honest, I haven't done much at all in the last 30 years. The last good work I can take credit for is Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo. But I didn't need to work hard, the damage had been done. By the end of 2009, it seemed that the whole world had turned upside down. Everyone was at war with someone, women were giving birth to 300 kids just so they could get a tv show, fathers were pretending that their sons were flying away in giant helium balloons. The whole darn world was crazy.
I looked around and realized, my job was boring. There was no one left to corrupt. And I always figured if the world was completely corrupt, then JC's dad would just flood everything up again and we would have to start from scratch. That's a pain in the behind. So I decided that I would even things out a bit. Help Jesus and Pope Pockets get people back on the "good" side. The truth is, I like Earth. I like the people. I don't want to declare victory yet, just so the big man upstairs can end it all and start over.
Well there you have it. Azazel, JC, the Popester, and John the Baptist joining forces to bring people to the light. Praise Jesus Inc.
Oh, and JC, I found this tape from our game night. MAN, you got me good.
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